If you're burnt out by talking it out... you're definitely not alone.
Sure, the merits of talk therapy are far-reaching... women have known since the dawn of time that we can solve our problems, or at least reclaim some power over them, by speaking them aloud, opening ourselves up to new perspectives, and allowing ourselves to be guided by the lived experiences of others. Luckily, the post-pandemic world has no shortage of coaches, therapists, and experts to connect with. It seems like every second person became a coach when the world shut down. Today, you can hire business coaches, sex coaches, relationship coaches, organization coaches, and even coaches who will guide you and your partner into healthy threesomes (🙋♀️)
But what happens when you've burned all your cash on coaches who charge 4x your rent per month? When you've burned all our energy having what feels like the same conversation over and over? When you're burnt out from being in your head? When you're burnt out from talking?
- that's when it's time to start listening... but not to someone's words.... It's time to start listening to your BODY.
If you come to see me for shadow therapy, but you're entirely against opening yourself up to hearing what your body has to tell you, you're actually working powerfully against the process of advanced transformation. The very shadow of being uncomfortable with experiencing touch is one that needs to be examined thoroughly - humans are genetically hardwired to seek out skin-to-skin contact. We've all heard that 'the body keeps the score'... and regardless of how many degrees you hold or how much scholastic accolade you've amassed, your body holds secrets your conscious mind isn't aware of. These rest in your shadows - the very thing you've come to set free. True healing happens in your feelings, emotions, and intuition - far outside of higher-order-thinking and social discourse. The language of healing comes in silence, when we've quieted your mind and relaxed your body. That's when the true You feels safe to be seen, and often, you'll be meeting her for the first time as well. If life has you burnt out, it's likely because the western world functions around splitting your mind away from your body. Patriarchy. Capitalism. - Women disconnected from their true inner feminine essence are easier to manipulate - out of their money and into a man's bed. A radical shift in awareness happens when you allow yourself to drop into the here-and-now messages your body is sending to you HERE, and NOW - rather than functioning days, weeks, and sometimes years in advance - worrying about next week's deadline, next year's anticipated proposal, your retirement at 65. To disconnect from the body is a tell-tale sign of a trigger - it's the body sending a message that what the mind is doing is too much for it. This happens in acute trauma via the same nervous pathways as it happens in chronic stress. When we experience threat in any capacity (conscious or subconscious) it's in the best interest of our evolutionary survival to store details of that experience differently. When a traumatic moment (or chronic stress) is felt, details bypass our prefrontal cortex and higher order thinking skills as this is not the part of the brain involved in short-term inter-generational genetic expression - memories imprinted here will not pass down to our children/grandchildren. Instead, the incoming traumatic information (which is so much of a sensory overload that our innate mechanisms of survival fracture the event into tiny pieces) becomes splintered into emotion, body memory, sensual memory, and core trauma language - all of which fragment and tuck themselves away around our body. Think of taking a large mirror and smashing it on the floor - those shards of glass are reflections of your Self staring back at you - and it's the only way we can be exposed to trauma over and over while still maintaining the wherewithal to survive. It's why our childhood memories don't often come with tags of chronological time and sequence but just body memories of colours, temperatures, details of the room. It's why they say 'scent is the strongest sense tied to memory'. Certain rooms evoke a sense of fear. Certain triggers elicit panic or anxiety even without our conscious understanding of why - this is stored trauma. All the talking in the world does not set this body-memory free. There's a reason why integrated bodywork is often a psycho-spiritual experience: the calm, meditative states that well-versed body therapists create move your mind into such a lucid, open, safe space that when they move into their trained techniques of physically manipulating trauma-storing tissue (sacrom, coccyx, abdomen, diaphragm, womb-space, yoni, inner thighs) the body is primed by the mind to let go. Gentle reminders of being safe, being held, being loved weave themselves into psychosomatic mind/body sessions... and the environment is conducive to allowing for exactly that: letting go. ------
So, on that note.... do you know which environments/moments are NOT conducive to safety and letting go? Anywhere that shadow emotions are triggered: guilt, fear, blame, shame..... these are the catalysts for trauma response.
Tell me, as a woman, which of the following is most uncomfortable? A. Getting caught and shamed for self-pleasuring as a child B. An ob/gyn exam
or
C. the moment you realize you're in bed with someone you really wish you'd said no to?
Is it the stomach-turning / darkness-inducing / crippling shame of disgusting your parents? Is it that feeling of cold stirrups, a full bladder, and a paper-sheet drape? Or is it a nauseating squirmy feeling of a million thoughts racing through your head: "I really don't want to do this. Can I ask him to leave? What's the risk if he stays? Do I owe him? I should have said no."
I so-very-deeply wish I could say that all women's' experiences with their sexuality were safe, healthy, happy, curious, empowering, and rooted in love.... but literally nothing is further from the truth.
Sexuality, the very life energy from which we're born, is often the crux of most women's core dysfunctions, disconnects, and dissociations in life. As I cited in my previous post {introducing Yoni Reclamation Therapy (YRT)}, the majority of women spend the majority of their lives entirely disconnected from their bodies. Our bodies were either abused away, shamed away, dieted away, hidden away with oversized clothes, criticized away, or objectified away before we even landed our first salaried job.
In case you're still wondering why outwardly healthy, happy, super-well-off women are lining up for YRT sessions just as much as those struggling with crippling body image issues, debilitating sexual dysfunction, guilt/shame/fear/blame around their sexuality - it's because these women are most often one and the same.
And when women are chronically faced with difficult circumstances, they begin to take on masculine tendencies in order to survive.
Cue: inter-relational sexual dysfunction.
In order to have sexual connection in romantic relationships we need polarity (ideally equal/opposite masculine and feminine energies)... and in order to have polarity, we need women who are comfortable and safe being in their feminine (at least in bed). Traumatized. chronically stressed our women are typically unable to arrive in this space.
The adult versions of little girls who were abused in their early years tend to be the high-functioning business execs and multitasking-to-a-fault moms teetering dangerously on the brink of burn-out. From the outside they're usually the epitome of successful and strong... on the inside, they're usually crumbling - disconnected from themselves, from their bodies, struggling in their partnerships and lacking a sense of vibrance in life. They are meant to be feminine. They're meant to exude masculine traits on-demand in boardrooms or when over-taking drivers in the fast lane - but 80% of their lives is meant to be resting in the feminine: soft, nurturing, emotional, flowing, chaotic, creative. Sadly, chronically stressed out women laugh in the face of me telling them they deserve to rest... that pleasure is a necessity and not a luxury, and that their sexual energy is the core of their ability to create a life they love.
My favourite are the highest-functioning ones who attempt to convince me they 'don't have a womb space'... I mean, I get it... I even birthed two tiny humans out of mine and still wasn't sure I had one. It's gutting to recognize society focuses its praises upon women unilaterally emulating masculine traits... the same society that uses derogatory euphemisms like "getting fuxked" or "being a pussy" to cut down a man. But. Women are taking it back.
We are returning to a place of our primal selves. We're returning to the phases of the moon and the cycles of the earth. We're quieting our racing minds and searching for that soft whisper of our intuition.
We have begun to put boundaries on our toxic sexuality and have stood in our power to take back our "cunt". Pussy. Yoni. Vagina. Vulva. - whatever you want to call her. We're taking her back.
- back from the generational trauma of our mothers and grandmothers who were raped - back from the babysitter who abused us when we were small
- back from the boy at that party who held us down on that bed
- back from the boss who made snide remarks about the length of our skirt as we walked by - back from the OB/GYN who shoved his hand inside of us without consent while we laboured to delivery our child - back from the husband who 'doesn't do foreplay' and complains to us about the colour of his 'balls' - back from the society that teaches us we only deserve to be sexual if our cis-hetero partner invites us to be These core girl-life experiences involving our most sacred parts - either epigenetically, physically or emotionally or all of the above - alter us. The more of these experiences we endure the further we disconnect. The more of these limbic imprints we don't process the deeper the layers of impenetrable pain we face.
AND IT'S TIME TO SET OURSELVES FREE!
The women lining up to experience YRT sessions aren't looking for "pelvic health" or a "tantric massage". They're not satisfied with just "yoni mapping" or womb massage. They're conscious, curious, and open - wanting to experience the life-changing impact of touch in a safe, warm, intimate environment - from a therapist they know is extensively trained and has earned infinite trust. There's no sterility or stirrups, no cold metal speculums or harsh overhead lights. There's no 'bracing for impact' with a partner who's been fumbling around in the dark for ten minutes struggling to unhook her bra. There's no exchange of energy or body fluids, no risk of pregnancy or STI's. What there is - is informed consent every step of the way. There's full disclosure, full support, and navigating triggers together in live-time. There's a consciously-planned series of sessions that builds from a safe "mapping" space to an "integrated sensation" space to neural re-wiring for receipt of pleasure. These sessions have her practicing her Yes's, her Hard No's, her Soft No's, and her "I just need a moment to breathe"'s. Unlike in her OB/GYN's office or in a hotel room with a one-night-stand, she's empowered to stand fully in total control of the situation... and she learns subtle lessons like "Nobody comes near your temple without washing their hands and asking permission." What women most often experience the first time around is a feeling of being dead inside. The initial instances of numbness and desire to dissociate are staggering. And so we breathe... and we ground.. and we stop until it feels right to keep going. She's invited to share what's happening for her. Often, she cries. We work on granting compassion and forgiveness for all the times she wishes she'd held her boundaries but didn't. We work on granting compassion to those who mis-spoke, mis-stepped, or mis-treated her. From deeply-rooted trauma theory - we piece apart what's no longer hers and call back in what is. These sessions are sacred. These sessions change lives. This is the healing power of unidirectional touch... of body work that's both scientific and sacred - bred from thousands of years of ancient medicine and woven together with modern medical theories to HEAL. This space is safe. This space is holy. This space sets women free.
Unlike in the shadowy depths of "tantric massage", there is absolutely 0% chance of any practitioner-client misconduct. The entire session is a beautiful ritual of worship at the altar of the Goddess at its core. The entire session, regardless of whether it's the potent medicine of organ massage (drawn from Chi Nei Tsang) or the womb-repositioning effects of internal/external tension-release from a more "pelvic-care" approach... this therapy intricately weaves together the transformative practices of over a half-dozen integrated womb/yoni/abdominal/cranio-sacral/tantric therapies into one practice - one sacred ritual for wellness and reclamation of the feminine.
The power we harness together speaks for itself in reflections like these:
"It’s hard to know where to even start to talk about the impact Yoni Reclamation Therapy has had on me. Right from the first session, it helped me process, deal with, and let go of the trauma I experienced giving birth to my daughter through talking, journaling, and receiving trauma release massage. That started me on a path of forgiving myself, being gentle with myself, and reconnecting with my daughter. Through talking with Aia and journaling answers to her questions, I’ve realized patterns of thought and beliefs about myself that didn’t start with me, but have been passed down through family. Shining a light on these negative beliefs and insecurities has allowed me to stop letting them take up so much space in my mind. I’ve gotten better at observing the thoughts, being curious about them, and then letting them go. I know I will keep getting better at this practice."
"I have always had a hard time connecting with my sexuality and sensuality because of the shame that I felt. A sexual assault, messages from society and family, and my body changing after childbirth are some of the reasons that deepened my disconnection with my body and yoni. My insecurities, shame, and trauma were also negatively affecting my relationship with my husband. During my sessions with Aia I’ve cried and laughed. I’ve felt intense discomfort and deep relaxation. I’ve felt pleasure and bliss. Aia has created a space of safety and acceptance. I know there is no need for me to hide or sugarcoat anything for Aia because I will never receive judgment from her. I know she also fully believes in my ability to heal and grow. I almost never talked about my sexual assault because I was so afraid of my emotions. Aia helped me name the experience and heal in a way that I can now talk about it without rage or shame or a deluge of tears. During the yoni massage I was surprised how pleasurable, but non-sexual, the entire experience was. Afterwards, I was able to masturbate with only my hands for the first time in my life. This whole process has changed my relationship with my husband for the better. Besides improving our sex life, it has also deepened our intimacy and elevated our conversations. I feel more connected to my sexuality and sensuality. I realized at 42 years old that I am pansexual. I no longer hate the way my body looks. I exercise for enjoyment and not to punish myself. My thoughts are not consumed with feeling bad about how I look. That just by itself has freed up so much mental space and released mental anguish. I am on a path of loving my body and embracing my sexuality."
"Particularly during the massage sessions I have been able to drop into my body and let go of stress, worry, expectations, obligations and come back to myself. I feel cared for, treasured, special, worthy, beautiful. This therapy has set me on a path of honouring my needs, rediscovering who I am, and pursuing my pleasure. My life will be forever changed for the better. Therefore, it will improve my relationships with my husband, children, family, friends, and acquaintances. I believe it will also positively impact their lives too. I am so grateful and feel so privileged to be experiencing this therapy and doing this work."
- and she's not the only one - who feels SO VERY PRIVILEGED to be doing this work.
------------------- To book your 1:1 healing intensive in Mexico, please feel free to get in touch and share more about your story. If you are a therapist/body work practitioner feeling led to train this accredited + insurable therapy yourself, individual training retreats are available in the Mayan Riviera through October, and in Eastern Europe November + December.